She's been trying to kill me for years but I always foil her plans. She once set a spy into my inner circle hoping to discover my Achilles heal. The female stink sack was disguised as a cat and sent into my domain.
I held my tongue, preparing to learn all I could from the enemy. I was planning to tempt the creature with my luxurious coat, coaxing her to step close enough to rip her retinas out. She got within three feet of me and let out the most ungodly, high pitched shriek, "Aaaaeeeeeehhhhhh Kiiiiittttyyyyy!!!"
This was not the time for bravery. I ran like hell, wedged myself between the bed and wall (well out of her reach) and studied her tactics from a distance.
The human has now brought in more advanced weapons. She made an assassination attempt this weekend by bringing a wolf into my house.
This is the most ferocious creature I have ever seen. I thought such creatures were fictional like dragons, gremlins, and griffins. He had the longest fangs I have ever seen. Of course he was no match for me, but I didn't want him to muss my fur or break off a whisker.
I and my second in command retired beneath the bed to plan our next move.
We decided that revenge is our best coarse of action. I left a threatening letter in barely recognizable catscratch on the leather sofa.
And... some juicy hairball vomit on the newly cleaned carpet.
That will teach these humans to mess with the likes of me.
