She's been trying to kill me for years but I always foil her plans. She once set a spy into my inner circle hoping to discover my Achilles heal. The female stink sack was disguised as a cat and sent into my domain.
I held my tongue, preparing to learn all I could from the enemy. I was planning to tempt the creature with my luxurious coat, coaxing her to step close enough to rip her retinas out. She got within three feet of me and let out the most ungodly, high pitched shriek, "Aaaaeeeeeehhhhhh Kiiiiittttyyyyy!!!"
This was not the time for bravery. I ran like hell, wedged myself between the bed and wall (well out of her reach) and studied her tactics from a distance.
The human has now brought in more advanced weapons. She made an assassination attempt this weekend by bringing a wolf into my house.
This is the most ferocious creature I have ever seen. I thought such creatures were fictional like dragons, gremlins, and griffins. He had the longest fangs I have ever seen. Of course he was no match for me, but I didn't want him to muss my fur or break off a whisker.
I and my second in command retired beneath the bed to plan our next move.
We decided that revenge is our best coarse of action. I left a threatening letter in barely recognizable catscratch on the leather sofa.
And... some juicy hairball vomit on the newly cleaned carpet.
That will teach these humans to mess with the likes of me.
7 comments:
Hang in there cat. According to Al Gore, the humans won't be around long and then it's all the bananas you can eat.
I don't like bananas. As a matter of fact, I don't think I've ever eaten a banana. The human gives me the same triangular shaped dehydrated fish flavored food. I detect a small amount of arsenic, but have built up an immunity.
Just curious here, but did humans evolve from monkeys or the other way around? Do you have loyalties to them?
Hey, why won't you take comments from squirrels?
My blog does not allow anonymous comments. I will see what I can do. After all, squirrels are lower on the food chain. It might benefit me to bring one into the inner circle.
Yeah, that way if it's not useful you can always eat it. I hear they taste a lot like guacamole.
Hey Hey HEY! HOW-ZIT, you funny looking dog?
Looked to me like you didn't have it too ruff, why were you making snake noises at me, huh huh huh?
Good post. Especially the pic of moi! Gorgeous, aren't I?
Catty, you and your second in command can come visit anytime to plot out your revenge. My house is cat friendly and Gus, Mattie and Chuck will help you plan and train to end all tryranny.
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